I am a 25-year-old virgin still trapped in my parents’ house, and I am putting my absolute darkest secret out into the open because I feel like I was reincarnated just to suffer. My life is a complete joke, and everything cucks me. I feel like I lost all purpose, and honestly, the only things holding me back from ending it are my parents and the social pressure and humiliation. I just want my own place to finally try out stuff like alcohol or hookers, or to get myself brutally dominated just to see if it makes me feel whole. But I get so cucked I cannot even leave the house outside of work or come a minute too late at home, and it is so draining.
Look at the architecture of who built me. My immigrant parents brought me here, couldn’t teach me the language, and threw me into special education where I was branded, bullied, and broken. The school bullies destroyed my self-worth. Even worse was a girl back then who publicly humiliated me while I wore track pants, sticking her finger slightly inside my b*** in front of others and then smelling it, while her profile bio literally said Alhamduillah, f*** her. Look at the adults who warped me: a mean babysitter who dominated me, and two female therapists in their 30s who had me lie on the ground, trampled me with their feet, and talked about how strong I am and how much weight I could take. That planted a sickness in me.
Look at my first crush who completely humiliated me, rejecting the necklace I got her and telling me to bring it to a reunion, calling me her sissy, and screenshotting my confession of love to send to her friends. I curse every single second and minute I wasted waiting for her texts. Then there was that female coworker with the age gap, my exact type. We had fun shifts, but she was a b**** who used me, made me do her bidding, and then replaced me. After she got the ick from learning too much about me, she isolated me, made others believe I had a crush on her, got me bullied, and drove me to call in sick until I got another job. I still stalk her profile pictures, freeze up when I see her, block and delete chats, and use AI to generate pictures of us out of sheer obsession.
My brain is a disaster. I have undiagnosed ADHD, autism, and aphantasia, meaning I cannot even properly visualize the opportunities I try to manifest. I cannot tie shoes, read a clock, or do basic math, which makes me feel retarded. I am right wing leaning against migration. I am literally the same race as these pieces of s*** out there raising the birth rates, mistreating women, and acting like gang rapists, but I am so cucked and useless. I hate my name, my culture, everything. I am smart enough to understand how backwards we are, even psy-opping myself with a BNWO fetish and plapping.
P*** addiction started early and completely destroyed my masculinity, sinking me into deep depression. I try to quit, I try to lose weight, but every time I try to improve, people trigger me. Everyone abuses me, uses me, and blocks me. I cant even move out because my parents get a panic attack, yet they expect me to marry and give them grandkids while they cuck me to oblivion. It all feels so cruel. I don’t even have any friends, even that was not wanted. I don’t even know how or if I can fix myself. Maybe putting this out here will change something, because this is my ultimate secret.
