Ok, so, this’ll be kind of a long one, buckle up everyone.

I’m 12, a bisexual female, and I have never had s**. But I consider myself very dirty. I often find myself reading smutty fan fiction with my idols, and fantasizing about having s** with many people. I’m polyamorous, and I have a boyfriend, though he doesn’t know I am. I’ve been talking to an online friend for a little while now, and I fell in love with her personality. I’ve video chatted her before, and she is beautiful. We love the same band(s), too. Today I said a little too much, and she asked if I loved her as more than a bestie (we jokingly say “I love you” to each other, she’s bisexual as well, though she has a boyfriend) I didn’t want to lie, so I said yes. She said it was okay and we could still talk, a crush isn’t something to hate me over. This both relieved, and depressed me. I love talking to her, though it’s hard now because I truly love her, and she knows it. She’s not rude, which is good.

I m*********. And I often do it to smutty fan fiction, but I’ve found myself doing it while thinking of her instead… I imagine everything on the screen is with me and her. I always feel guilty after c****** while thinking about her, yet I keep doing it…

She’s very attractive and has a nice body&personality. I love her. But I seriously doubt she loves me back. She has her boyfriend, but he hasn’t been around recently. I’ve tried to stay strong and help her through her problems but it’s hard.

Everytime we talk, I somehow find myself having the thought of her pinning me against the wall, kissing me roughly. I gues I have a “Mommy kink”…I also like pet play… I want to be with her so badly, but she lives across the country… she lives in New York while I live in Texas…. and because we’re so young, even IF she felt the same way and we both wanted to be with each other (both romantically and s*******) we can’t see each other. Neither of us have the money or a “valid” reason of traveling to give to our parents.

I want to love her.
I want to f*** her.
I just want to be with her.

If only….