Its been 6 months that i have a crush on my classmate. I made her my inspiration to go to class, to study, to be happy during classes, to look up to, basically she is my life right now. Why a fantasy? 6 months, yet i havent had any proper conversation with her. “What if she feels disgusted of me?” “What if things become awkward after i confess?” “What if in the end, it is only me who chase after her when she didnt even consider me as even a friend in her life?” I lived my 6 months thinking about thos things. Every day, the urge to start a conversation with her, make her feel comfortable when im around increases tremendously. I want to be someone in her life. Someone, meaningful to her. Yet, even i didnt believe in myself. Why should her? Good looks? Not me. Smart? Slow as f***. Leadership? Shy as hell. Awkward? Top tier.
Resting b**** face? Made my case worst.

I just want one day. Just one. Haruman. To spend time with her. To see her smile right in front of me. To joke around with her. To be able to say, “You look cute laa today! Just like any other day.” The sentence that i have always wanted to express to her everytime i passed by her in class.

I have tried to reset my mind. “Shes not everything, dude. Grow tf up.” Yet that mindset will be buried down in my memories as i saw anything that is related to her right in front of my eyes. Just one chance… is all i need.

But then… like the topic… it is just a fantasy…