dont pretend you could identify pain, you’d say when you moved after high school and when you fought with your mother and swiftly moved into your own apartment. you’d say when you broke up w someone who you always stood up for, for years? or just a year? maybe pain is not being able to take it back, acknowledge that the pain someone put you through they have also put the person you hate through. it would be even if you hadn’t pretended you were clean and i was dirty. I always seemed to on the reprehensible side of insults, while only you were dealing with proper questions. all you ever did was me who would i be. thats a good question so crazy to look in the mirror and say, “no thats not me, i didnt do that” if you knew how troublesome every relationship, movement, or moment of waiting has been for me. but you can guess right? you know I never had it easy. you think I made an a** out of myself during my own relationship, bc I was lied to and even though you could have spared me, left me the truth “him and i have been talking for months! He didn’t tell you! I should’ve but instead when you brought it up I just said ‘oh well I wouldn’t tell someone who ever said anything mean about me” even though one happened in January the other in the summer, how could i have known? why don’t you believe he lied to me? why didn’t you ever apologize (not just to see if id give you one back) I really am sorry for ever truly hurting you. you apologized on an “if” basis. normally the person gets to say what upset them, not me, but I probably still got the apology. it never had to a war, but you can’t handle a feud. you certainly cant handle that the guy was the reason i was talking about or to you. to say “im sorry you went thru things but, it has nothing to do with anyone else but you and me” well is that so? then if all this has lead to “what i think about you” you are rude, baseless, diametrically opposed to your “morals”, you stink, you seem like you really need people to look and think of you in a very particular way. you want to say something no one says and then act like you say it all the time. you want to act like you enjoy movies from the 40s but you cant ever fully pay attention to anything after the first 15 minutes, when you realize it’ll be starting slow with mostly exposition even on characters that wont be in the movie by the end. of course life doesn’t rob its exposition from us just because one day we’ll be gone. no that’s the only reason we were given a story, something to hold onto as we leave this world. I don’t really forgive you, and frankly I don’t really need to. I forgive myself, I just wish you did a little better at avoiding me like a plague. all i have time for today.
