Dear Imogen Cortis-Jones
Ive come 2nd globally on this idea to make FS care about social causes. The worst thing happened you know. Im in a team of 3. Every meeting is all men. The defaulted team lead from America overrode points we agreed to to really bring the moral issues to the forefront.
I knoe you dont care. If we were still in eachothers lives we would have gone out to celebrate. I do hope yoi are going ok. For a great while it was like I completely forgot you existed.
Maybe it was watching the Umbrella Academy and Ellen Page, her character falling in love with a older woman. Or maybe its because i actually gave a dating app a shot. No matter what my mind circles back. I want to move on I do. I want to grow. Yet I ruminate. I think back. Im still too scared to delete our photos together. I remember the fun – watching the Orangutans together. The fireworks together. I have the videos from then and its as though nothing had changed.
But everything has. I lost my closest friend and confidant. The one thing I was the most afraid of when we progressed into more than friends. Thats long gone.
Sometimes I meet people, or bump into people. And they remind me of you. Darling, moments like that i feel so close to you. So close yet so far.
This void in me. Its not being filled. I stand by it you know that I’m a demisexual. That emotional bond that led me to want to be with you. Thats not something I can feel with others. Maybe I just mistrust most people now.
What exactly is love anyway. Its so fickle. Your heart beats, its overjoyed and overflows with all these feelings. After its just a dark hole. Nothing can satiate what has been taken.