I want to be a human being.

Unscrutinised, un-measured, bona fide free to do as I please, believe what I want, be unconstrained by faceless strangers and fears.

Life and society has always felt like a massive yoke around my neck (attached to a mountain!) with none of my dreams or aspirations coming true, despite wishing and hoping and trying and working hard.

Your parents lied to you: the good guy doesn’t always win, if you are a good person, you will attract good karma, if you work hard enough, you will get ahead in life.

It’s all a big LIE.

It doesn’t matter. It’s all f****** random. The bad guy can live a long and happy life and die with a smile on his face while the good guy lives in squalor, ill-health and tragedy.

I am not a greedy person – never have been. My list of desires cost nothing to no one, yet appear to be as unreachable as trying to touch the sun.

I want to be loved. Real love. Not ‘obligation love’, not ‘fake love to get something from me’, not ‘manipulative love’ or love dangled on a string in front of me while the stick waits to strike if I try and accept it….you know, love because the other person accepts and cares for you because of who and what you are.

To be valued. Yep, to actually have some sort of importance to someone or something and be appreciated. Not worshipped, no sycophantic professions of undying respect and adulation…just be an integral part of something bigger than myself.

I want to be master of my own life.
I want to grow my own food, raise my own animals, be responsible for my own healthcare, actually have achievable GOALS instead of the work-eat-sleep-die cycle that I am trapped in, like the rest of the working poor.

But, most of all, I want TIME.

Time to stop and watch the clouds, time to experience every single precious moment without looking at the clock, wake when I want to, sleep when I want to and follow the seasons of nature….like we used to.

So, these are my seemingly out-of-reach wants. Basic human rights that society is determined to stamp out through greed, over-abundance, control and selfishness.

I don’t want or believe in a Utopia.

I just want to be a human being and not an automaton.