It’s not empty words I’m after. There was something else I desired all along. Not mutual understanding, friendship, companionship, or anything of the sort. I don’t care about being understood. I simply wish to understand. Understand, know, and rest easy in that knowledge – gain some peace of mind. Wanting to know people inside-out because being in the dark terrifies me is an awfully self-indulgent, egotistic, and arrogant wish. It’s downright despicable and disgusting. Having desire like that makes me sick to the stomach! But if it’s at all possible to share that desire – if it’s possible to have a relationship where you’re free to burden one another with that repulsive self-gratification… I know that out of the question! I know that it’s out of my reach! Even so! Even so, I… I… I want something genuine
