I don’t want to go to sleep any more. I’m so, so afraid I’ll have that dream again… The one that I’m pushed down and raped… Oh yeah, that wasn’t a dream.
I’m 15 and I got raped when I was about 8-ish (I don’t remember everything because I blocked it out till recently. And my family still doesn’t know) I’m not sure how I remembered but I wish I never did. I’ve been struggling to deal with it for 3 years and have been depressed and suicidal, not just because of the “new memories” but also for some other home and school related things. I thought I got over it and was doing well considering I had to deal with everything on my own(I don’t like to share feelings or show my weaknesses at all) . But then I had these dreams that have been going on for 3 days now. I hate the dreams because it reminds me of everything that happened. Like I said I blocked it out but when I remembered what happened I didn’t remember everything,most things were a blur. The boy was about 13-15 years old and was friends with my brother. He had assaulted me in my own back yard (Important)
My dream is strange tho. This older man (seemingly in his 30s/40s) has me kidnapped in this house (my house and I’m still 15) I think my family was looking for me. I’m trapped in this house but not locked up,as in I can walk around the house. I see this little girl outside and she seems to be about 5 years old. I didn’t pay much attention to her but I knew that she was also kidnapped and couldn’t leave, she slept in a dog kennel and was not allowed to go inside the house or she would be threatened with her life if she tried to go inside. Nothing had happened to me so far and I do whatever until it gets to night. The man called me into my room and pushes me down and well you can guess the rest…
The next day I see this little girl on the porch playing with something to keep herself busy. I’m suddenly so scared for this little girl and feel like I need to protect her. I rush to the potch and stand in front of her and tell her she needs to come with me inside right now. She refuses and hides in the kennel, I see the man’s car coming down the street. I’m so scared and I get this huge amount of adrenaline and strength like moms with their children in danger. I pick up the whole dog cage with her in it and carry it out in a empty room. I can hear the man’s car turning off and he’s on his way to come inside. The child is wining and having a tantrum because she’s inside. (I don’t particularly like kids with their tantrums and shit but I cared for this girl deeply) I go lock the door as quick as I can and with tears in my eyes I yell/talk loud and commanding to her and tell her if she doesn’t shut up she will die. She shuts up. I hear the man on the porch calling for the girl and then he comes inside and calls for me. The room I’m in isn’t completely empty and I see a desk of some sort that has a tiny opening at the floor that this little girl could fit into if she lies down. I order her to go hide there and as I whisper this tho the girl I hear the man trying to see if anyone was in that room we were in, he eventually starts banging and tries to brake down the door when he feels its locked. The girl starts crawling to this hiding spot and then I wake up
This was last nights dream and every single night I dream something different. The last 2 nights was going into more detail about what the boy did to me(ps the boy assaulted me for about a week and he did a lot in that week) Last night it was this and I’m terrified of having a other dream. It was all I could think about today and what all the things represent(I do think I know what everything represents at least) And I completely failed my math test today because I couldn’t get it off my mind.