I want it to be stated that this is the full truth and I don’t fully really know how I feel about it and that everybody says that it helps getting it out there so I might as well try. My memory of everything is quite hazy and I wouldnt go into detail but I think when I was 6-7 my sister who is five years older than me molested and repeatedly had s** with me, not only this but to make matters worse she was abusive and made me keep the secret she was cutting herself, which I only understood years later but later on I think I was in fourth grade or so one of her friends was over and I had a fort in the garage and one thing led to another and I gave him a b******* and I fully dont know why I just did and he was also about my sisters age at the time and when he offered to return the favor I refused in guilt and shame, last but not least a few years ago the same thing happened with one of my closest friends, I don’t know why I victimized myself after all the stuff with my sister, and for a while I used to have fantasies of taking advantage of/ r***** my older sister. So on so forth about a year ago I had on and off relationship with a pathological liar who i’m still pretty affectionate toward, she also self harmed, So I recreationally smoke weed to deal with things and I have large bouts of depression sometimes also when I was younger I was in gifted classes but after third grade I sort of stopped trying in school because I don’t see the point, at this point i’m just upset and ranting but there is a girl I truly do love and I just can’t find myself to be affectionate it was literally a month in our relationship before I held her hand, last but not least I feel she is going to leave me because of how inaffectionate I am and well I just don’t know what to do. If you’ve read this at all thank you
