So I’m 21, I have a decent background in education. my IQ is 166 , I don’t think that really means much though. I’ve been told many times throughout my life that I’m intelligent. My weakest areas in highschool were english and writing, probably because it’s so boring. However, even there I excelled well above average. Math is my favorite. Numbers make sense. Everything in the universe can be represented through numbers. Equations can be used to predict events many years before the event actually takes place. it’s simple math, and it makes sense.. I appreciate that.
Anyway, for the most part people seem to like me. Not everyone is going to like me of course, which is fine. Usually people like to hear what I have to say about certain issues, I have a very open mind and people seem to appreciate that.
If I’ve learned anything from being smart it’s that smart people are f****** stupid.
I have made more mistakes than I care to admit. My life has been constantly changing since the beginning but it was changing into to something unfamiliar, througout my journey I’ve become more and more me. everything I’ve ever wanted to be hasn’t gotten any closer, I’ve just become better at the things I was already adept at and I’ve grown not into a new person but more and more into who I already am.
I see a psych , just for the intelligent conversation. It’s rare for us to agree on an issue and I enjoy playing devils advocate. As often as not he’s able to offer me a new perspective on a familiar issue, and that is something I really appreciate.
I have never told anyone that I hear voices. I haven’t always heard them, but lately they’ve been getting louder. When I do hear them, I recognize the tone to be that of my own voice. Usually I can hear 2 or more at a time as if they were engaged in conversation, sometimes it’s just one really loud voice. I usually can’t understand what they’re talking about but sometimes it’s very clear to me what they’re going on about. Sometimes they’re funny. Sometimes they show me how dark I am. Sometimes they’re terrifying. Shouting at me, screaming to me the things I’m afraid of.
I’ve thought a lot about suicide. If I were to kill myself , I know exactly how I would do it. I sure as hell wouldn’t tell anyone I was going to do it. I can’t do that though. all my family would be so disappointed in me. I don’t think it’s right to do that to the people that care about you. So I guess I’m just stuck, trapped in this f****** mind of a prison.
but now that I think about it, things aren’t so bad. Despite being a little crazy I’m really kind of happy.
