A childhood friend of mine was in an auto accident recently. She lost her leg, and there is some damage to her face.. I don’t know if she still has two eyes or not. She was released from the hospital last week and I was in her area this last weekend. I was visiting my parents (Childhood home) and she is still the same neighbor living with her mama in the same cul-de-sac. My parents told me she was home and to go visit her.. That she is waiting for me.

I couldn’t go see her. I was scared. I was scared to see her in her condition. The last I saw her, she was just laughing, and the same as she had ever been. Kind of absent minded, jokeful, and only means the best. Then I had new images pop into my head of car accidents, a messed up face, and her missing appendages.

When we were in highschool we had a friend of the same cul-de-sac. He was a close friend who grew up and played with us day to day. Today he is dead, because of a car accident. He did not have his seat belt on. The driver crashed, our friend came out the front of the vehicle glass, was cut in half in the process on the glass, slid his face to unrecognizable levels on the paved road, and burned in flames on the road.

All I could think of was our lost friend. and now her. I remember his open casket. (Yes they had an open casket) I remember seeing his face after the medical team tried to make him look like him. I could barely recognize him. His hair had to be replaced, skin, everything.

I didn’t want to see her that way, unrecognizable. And cry on her shoulder. I was supposed to be the strong one for her, not show up and cry at her. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I was not strong enough this weekend. I will visit you, I was just scared. I still am, but I’m sure you are too. I will see you soon old friend. I promise.