I am a 14 year old female. (I know, young, right?) But my age has nothing to do with how I feel and what I’ve went through. For the first 9 years of my life I was abused s******* and verbally by my biological father. No matter what I told my mother she just couldnt except the truth. I think it was just to much for her. My momther left my father for a short bit of time (Enough time to get Children Services off her back) and we moved from Maine to Ohio. Soon after my father rejoined the fucked up disfunction we called “a family.” Of course thing didnt change. My father went back to his old ways. I felt like there was no escaping… But then I found my solution. I began using Marijuana and pain killers such as Percs and Vics. This started at age 10 and is still something that I struggle with majorly. I ended up telling one of my new found friends about what my father was still doing, and they told the school counceillor. I ended up getting removed from my parents house. Between age 10 and 13 I have lived in 8 different homes. 1 year 6 months and 2 days ago, my mother died. I had just moved back in with my mom after she fought to get custody of my after finally leaving my dad. (This took a year and a half of foster care for me) Things of course were not going so well. I still had lots of ager and rage inside me that I felt for my mom. I was upset. I didnt trust her. How could I? Dont get me wrong, I loved her with all my heart, I was just angry. Long story short, after I was home for not even a month I woke up at 2:37 am to find my mom lying dead on the floor. I would give anything to go back to that day and change how I treated her. I know she did the best she could. After my mother died the drug use got heavier. I Smoked and poped pills every chance I got. I am on probation for my drug use. I have been locked up in a Detention Center 9 times 5 for drug related charges, 3 for running away, and 1 for curfew. I have spent over a year and a half of my life in jail. I am now in a group home with nothing to look foward too. I started cutting and attempting suicide when I was 12. I felt there was nothing left. I just want things to be okay. I am now in a strange town without any of my connections and withdrawing like a b****. I feel like my life is over. I feel like I want it to be over. I dont want to try anymore. There is no hope for me. But, just becuase there is no hope for me, doesnt mean that there is no hope for you. If you are reading this and are going through something tough, remember, you CAN make it, if you want to. If there is one thing I want to do before I die it would be to save a life. I want to keep someone for self harming or from suicide. Please, just let my dream come true? Save yourself. You deserve it. I deserve it too, but I dont want it.