I was in mentaly abuisve relationship for 4 years. He was a narcissist and had many sociopathic tendencies. If anyone knows anyone of the above description, then you can understand why it took me so long to leave. They brainwash you and literally make you feel like they are doing you a favour and every hurtful saying you deserve and you’re lucky they don’t hit you.
We had a child together, his behaviour got worse. One time I stood up to him and confronted him about being on dating sites. He told me he was leaving, I was by The door, I demanded an explanation, he clenched his fists and said “you’re lucky you’re a girl” and shoved me out of the way. I collapsed down to the floor crying my eyes out, I was trapped, I saw no way out of the situation I was in. It was a feeling of impending doom, I was stuck with a man who treated me like dirt, went on dating sites constantly, chose his friends over seeing me and his child. It got to a point where he would pretty much only come round if I said I would buy him dinner (please understand that he also never paid and to this day never paid for the child in any shape way or form)
I obviously bought him dinner at any point he requested- just to get him to see his baby. One evening he was talking his nonsense which he repeated pretty much every single week (I only saw him around once a week, if I was lucky- that’s a lot direct quote from him) he was talking about our child’s future and who she was and wasn’t allowed
To talk to. We are both white, and he said she is not to mix with anyone who isn’t white and if she does he will do things the old
Fashioned way and smack her. He started saying she could only mix with people he says she can. He said she will have to be scared of him, he sees no problem with breaking her nose if she steps out of line because “that’s the right way to raise a child and it never did him any harm, kids should fear the father figure)
He and his whole family thought nothing of leaving the child (newborn at this time) with the dog- a dog that has attacked other dogs and one died shortly afterward and is aggressive toward people. I didn’t see this as acceptable and stated my opinion. It was brushed off and it happened again. He told me he can do what he wants and if he wants to leave her with the dog he will: I then made the decision to not let him have her on his own. Since his mother had the same views as he did, and point blank refused to listen to me or respect me as her mother; I said they could visit her or I could bring her round whenever they want, but I will not be leaving her.
They made out I was being out of order- I would never stop them from seeing her, but I refuse to take the chance of a dog that is known for its viciousness to be around my child. None of them said they would put the dog out, they said the dog has a right to be in the house and they will not change it (it’s not like I didn’t try)
We broke up finally almost 6 months after she was born. He hardly saw the child in the end. I explained it to his mum just before we broke up, and she said she knows he doesn’t pay for the child- but he owes her money, so he needs to pay her back first (his mum isn’t exactly poor by the way!) so his mother justifies him not paying a penny toward his child by saying because he owes her money. He paid her back and still hasn’t contributed to our child. I also said to her that he never wants to see her, and when he comes round he just tells me to give the child to my mum to look after whilst we have s**. Needless to say that didn’t happen.
We broke up- he didn’t see her for over a month. He then seemed to forget I broke up with him. When reminding him that I didn’t want to be with him he got aggressive (verbally) he started sayig he was going to beat up members of my family and take me to court to get the child.
I went to the police just to report the threats but because of him not hitting me, nothing could be done. I did however get them to put a stop on a shot gun license he was going to try and get. He seemed to of developed a passion for shooting at birds in his garden (and squirrels) with cross bow, taser, pellet gun etc.
If I reported those to the police, the police would just give him a tap on the wrist. He brags about the fact that he knows some of the police and they would help him out. So it would be pointless me saying anything to them about that.
The police did say as long as I Allow him to see the child I am doing the right thing: so I have to either let my child go with him- and “risk her safety” or have him round my house where I dont feel safe with him:
We could of got supervised access, but with his fabulous lies and false personality he would be able to “pretend to be a doting father” for a short time and they would allow normal visits and unsupervised:-( he has told me all this. But it’s his worse against mine. I hate the way our system Works. And all because he hasn’t hit me, he is allowed to get away with it. My daughter is almost 18 months, I have paid for everything myself, from being off work and having bills rack up I am in over £10grand worth of debt.
I hate that I am stuck with him emotionally draining me and the fact that I have to put my daughter through having to deal with his constant swearing and if she is eating when he comes round he tells her she is going to be fat.
According to the law, she deserves to know her father – one day she will be able to understand what he is like. I just hope he doesn’t brainwash her or keep putting her down so much that it leaves scars.
But hey- she “deserves” to have her “dad” in her life…
I hate our system. I fear my child will grow up either feeling rubbish about herself, or turn out like her father- a bully, racist and a deadbeat. I try my hardest. I went back to work after maternity leave and he said I’m a bad mother for leaving her for 2 days. When I was off he called me a free loader and he didn’t need to pay any money toward the child coz he pays tax and technically I was getting some of his money in maternity allowance. Sorry this has gone on so long if anyone has actually
Read it. There have been many other incidents of course- he drinks and drives etc. But all it is,
Is my word against his. And even if someone listened to me, he would get told off and that’s it.