I just can’t find the meaning of my life any more. I have a relashionship with a boy I love so much, and we have something special together. But he lives in a city which is almost 400km far from where I live and we have met 6 timew in 1year and 9 months.
Since I was little I was lonely, so I never had much friends..never a real friend (except my b-friend). For some months my parents have told me I could go in England and study at a university there.. Being a chemistry scientist, the dream of my life.
Although everything seems nice..school is really hard where I live, so everyday I end up crying because I super-underestimate myself and have zero confidence Iwill ever make it. Also, some of my teachers behave to my class like we are a group of idiots. As a result I start believing that I am useless and won’t ever do something good in my life.. I just don’t know what to think to make the situation better.. The thought of starting harming myself again won’t leave me in peace.. I also think of ways to die everyday as an innocent game. I’ve been like this in the past, but I thought I was over it. I just can’t think of letting down my parents by giving up on me, but it hurts so bad that I am not able to think correctly. The only thing that still keeps me breathing is my b-friend’s love for me. He really understands me and try to encourage me in every possible way. The thought he may think he let me down by letting me to die scares me so bad, because he always say that even the fact that he lives in a house with his four brothers, one sister, and his parents, my soul is the most close to his soul.
Any advice will be helpfull. Also I am sorry for my grammatical mistakes, if there are any. Thank you.