We planned a future. I told him I missed him all he said was that he still liked me. I remember feeling a little joy reading that from a male I love deeply more then anything. I never loved as much as I do to him. Though, he said he might make the exception to take me back if I learned to accept the fact that I’m bipolar and depressed, since apparently I hadn’t before. He has no hope for me to succeed. The times he comes back into my life only to see if I’m okay and my responses are always “I’m not okay. I’m never going to be okay.” Don’t seem to phase him as he leaves my life again with nothing spewing from his lips as if no concern. I’m greatly depressed I long to drink and so fourth I don’t want to be here anymore, voices in my head say. I long to sleep and I find myself crying constantly and then I’ve grown so bitter and unhappy, and I’ve realized a lot of flaws from my side my anger, my depression, my drinking problem, and also smoking problem. I suppose it was right for him to not stop me when I said I was leaving, but it seems hard to hear some wise words coming from his mouth. He knows better then to even allow me to come back running into his arms. He knows how much of a monster I am that’s so sad it’s hard to just accept that we will never be as much as I wish for it to come. All these assumptions, thoughts, and rambles from our relationship babble away in my mind constantly. I’m sorry I suppose I need to slither away into the arms of darkness more deeply then I thought I would have to. Remember that you are always alone, and may Hades guide me. And may Nicholas whom was, and still is the love of my life, the light of my life take care, and be well. More well then I ever will be.