I would never, ever hurt anyone. I’m very encouraging, and I want everyone to be happy and healthy and all that jazz. I like to make people smile and laugh, and I want everyone to have the best life they could possibly have. I’m super bubbly and smile all the time, and joke about bad things that happen in my life, just so others don’t have to worry about it.

But…

I’m afraid I have a dark side too. Something that almost never comes out, but it still scares me. Again, I would never want to hurt anyone. Especially someone who was completely innocent. But sometimes I daydream about being attacked by a criminal on the streets, and in my defensive rage I become… something else.
I imagine myself reacting by going into an animalistic rage, clawing and growling and biting and oftentimes taking a small chunk out of the person’s arm or something similar, and then spitting it out onto the ground. By this time, the attacker’s freaked out and knows they’re in danger. But then, instead of me trying to get away, I end up grinning widely and giggling like a freaking maniac. Then I lick their blood off the corners of my mouth, tilt my head to the side and ask, “what’s wrong? You don’t wanna keep playing?” And lunge towards them again so that they’ll scream and run away. Then I get into this mood where I end up daydreaming about mentally tormenting and traumatizing other criminals that I make up in my head. And I love it.

Then later on I’m like, “holy s***, I’m a messed up creature,” and I feel like a monster. Again, I’d never actually hurt anyone, I swear. I wouldn’t want to. But if I ever got into a life threatening situation where I had to defend myself, I’m afraid that I’ll become this thing I’ve imagined. I doubt I’d actually do it, but no one can really be sure of what they’ll do in situations like that until they happen. It makes me feel like an angel on the outside, but a demon on the inside, and it absolutely terrifies me.