I’ve battled suicidal feelings most of my life. It’s exhausting. So I feel like I understand why Robin Williams felt like killing himself. Some days are worse for me. Today is one of those days. But I feel like I can’t really share my feelings with other people. I’ve tried, but I often get judged, and some people avoid me when I share my suicidal feelings with them. Their abandonment just intensifies my suicidal feelings, and I don’t need that.

Suicide hotlines aren’t very attractive to me since the last time I called them. The man on the phone with me actually judged and criticized me for bad decisions I’d made that had landed me in my awful and desperate circumstances. As if I needed to hear THAT at my low moment.