My girlfriend and I do “safe” dry h******, which is against my religion. I feel guilty, I feel as if I have betrayed my family, and her family, and her, altogether.
I am very worried, OCD, although this is a safe method.
I don’t know what to do anymore. It seems that those few months my life revolves around:
1. Exams pressure
2. Guilt
3. Severe worrying; if my girlfriend gets somehow magically pregnant, our lives are literally over. We can be killed because of this.
4. My brothers wedding is soon. Pressure-ful, and it is the same day as my hardest exam in my BSC
5. My mother had a hard 4-years psychologically, and I need and want to be with her, to take her out travelling, to ease up her pain for losing her father and mother for cancer. I want her to be happy. What can I do, mother, to make you happy?!

I don’t want to fail my family, nor her family, nor her. Nor I want this to affect my studies, as I have potential, and my professors expect the best grades off me.

I do not know what to think, feel, worry about, do, or materialize anymore.
God, have mercy. I have betrayed you, and I am sorry. I am trying not to go into sins, but I love this woman so much. I love her till my heart bumps up and down yelling “LOVE!.” I would give away my life for her.
If her parents and my parents would just agree, I would marry her right now. Right this moment.

Forgive me God, for I have sinned.