17 years
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I’m 19 years old. I’m an EMT. I am also a Wildland Firefighter. Next January I will be leaving for 6 months to fight wildfires. I hate every aspect of my life. It is miserable and I can honestly find NO reason to be happy. I have no reason to come back home after my 6 months. I have plenty of friends, but I’m just not happy. No relationships, nothing. I have nobody to talk to when I get home from work. Nobody to talk about all the dead people and critically injured people I’ve seen. All the broken bodies I’ve held. I just want somebody to talk to. My friends aren’t involved in the Fire Service or EMS so they wouldn’t understand. I just want somebody to vent to. I just want somebody to keep me from being lonely. Sometimes I just wish I would die in the line of duty. Or one day just wake up on another side of the United States in an area that I’ve never been to. Just to start my life over again. I regret the day I became an EMT because it’s only made me depressed. But I love my job too much to quit.

I’m am no way emo, or wish to do harm in myself. I just wish I could start over again.

New Confession

So, one time I told my mom that I wanna buy a lollipop, I was 17 that time. My step brother then asked if he could come my mom and I agreed. Me and my step brother let’s just call him Daniel. Daniel the both of went out to buy. We bought a few things lollies and he said he wanted a beer, so I bought one for him. But on the way home walking he asked saying “I have a lollipop why would you buy one?” I looked confused. But I just said I like the strawberry flavored more. he then asked if we could go somewhere for awhile, I agreed cuz’ why not, The house is boring anyway. We went to this secluded area it’s dim but not to dark. No person is walking at that time because it’s night a bit late. We sat down on the bench right beside each other. around probably 5 minutes passed, he took my hand and hovered at top of his “DIH’ it was hard, very hard. my hand is not inside yet. He spoke “you make me this hard everyday.” mind you he was 22 at that time. I sat down still, I didn’t move one bit and just let him do what he wants to. then, he puts my hand inside and helped me stroke his “Dih” I stroked it, he started moaning softly minutes passed like that, he spoke after “Can you s*** for me?” I nodded, because what can I do? I sucked his dih and he exploded on my mouth. I thought it was done and he told me to swallow so I did. after that we didn’t tell mom nor dad it’s our little secret. that was 6 months ago, and now we both sometimes do it when we are alone.

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