I write sometimes, but if think they’re too creepy and twisted to share… Here’s an example.
I’ve been in my special little room. I’ve been here for so long. Am I alone? I’m lonely, I’m so lonely now. My lost wonderland; my misplaced mind. My origin is unknown, but events have led me to this nightmare I call reality. I’ll explain this existence which I call my life. I think I’m still alive, but I can’t remember.
It has only just begun and Mommy is dead. Dead. She died while giving birth, but left me to live. I’m alive. Daddy is distraught, but takes me even though she died. He says I killed her. I killed her.
Daddy beats me, he hurts me, he hates me. Daddy hides me in my room; it’s so lonely here. I’m all alone here.
She came when I was young. I first met her when I was 12, but I might have been older. I was older. She was kind, she talked to me, unlike the others… The others hid; their parents hid them. They hid them from me. She was so happy around me, always friendly. She is the only one to ever care, with her long brown hair. She was the only one to care. We quickly became friends, best friends. We are best friends. Always talking and laughing, nobody understood but me. She is alone too, nobody ever talked to her, she’s alone. She wants to run away forever from this place to a land of make believe and be forever free with me. Finally be free.
Years pass and nobody knows, we’re still hiding. She hides. We are together, daddy doesn’t know, but he sees without seeing. She’s peering in through the window, she’s watching us, she’s watching him. Hating him. He’s hiding me, hiding me! Preventing everything that we could be, keeping it all from me. Stuck in my room I sneak away, sneak away so we can play. We will find our wonderland together, just the two of us. Together. She tells me she hates this life, she hates the struggle. She can’t be with me because I’m not free. He’s keeping her from me. Her happiness is fading.
Daddy’s a wreck, but that’s well known. Drinks lay around, he’s asleep now. He’s in his forced sleep again. He won’t awake to our sound. Sneaking in we write the letter. That sad letter. She said they’ll never know. Never know. She grabs the knife, hands it to me and tells me to do the honors. We take turns. He is awake now. By slash three he’s bleeding heavily; the pain shows in his eyes. It shows in his mind. As he lies there dying, she stands above laughing. She’s laughing. I lose track of time, but he doesn’t die. He just lies there, speechless. Defenseless. I want to run and hide, hide from what I’ve done. What have we done? He’s not dead, she grabs his gun. She has found his gun. He’s dead soon after she shoots him in the head. There’s red, it’s so red. It’s all red and I can’t get the sight out of my head. My head hurts. It hurts. He’s lying there. What do we do? We run and hide, we are always hiding. She’s hiding. She’s left me.
They don’t know me, but they take me in anyway. She’s found me and she’s on the outside looking in. Looking in the window. Looking at them. Watching them, we see them. Innocent, they’re innocent. She said they have to die. To be free forever, that’s all she wanted, to be free with me. I can’t do it, I refuse.
She’s not happy, she’s never happy now. I realize the smiles have long faded from our existence. We were once so close, we’ve drifted. We belong together, but have diverged. She urges and pleads, but I won’t give in to her needs. I won’t give In. She won’t go away, she tells me she’s here to stay, haunting me every day. She won’t go away. She’s watching me sleep, staring in through my window. She’s calling for me, needing me. She’s needing to be free, but I refuse to repeat history.
The family’s sleeping. The night is long; she’s inside. She’s gotten inside. Hiding in the shadows, I see the knife, her knife. She try’s to kill hem, but I defend. The knife plunges deep. Deep within me. I’m bleeding; it’s all red again. She cries to me, she never wanted this. We never wanted this. I soon lose consciousness.
The family awakes to see me dying on the floor – I’m left all alone again. I’m left alone to die with the knife in my side.
I awake to find her. I’m safe and sound and I see she’s smiling again. I think I’ve survived and she’s happy to see me. Just like the beginning; I’ve longed to see that happiness cross her face once again. It’s the girl I’ve fallen in love with again. The girl I’ve been longing to see, but she’s been hiding. I long to speak with her again, but she covers my mouth. She looks me in the eyes, but my eyes are closed. She leans in and whispers in my ear that she’ll always be near, that she’ll never disappear. She leans in and tells me “I’ll forever be by your side, but I’ll be lost in your own disguise. But don’t worry – I never really cared, because I was never really there.”