After you were away for a couple of blissful days during which I only had to deal with the occasional text from you, you’re back and on skype. As soon as you log on you explain about how YOU’RE SO GLAD TO SEE ME OMG.

I lied when I said I was glad to see you too. In reality, I hate that you’re back and I want you to go away, far away, to a place with no internet.