Hello, my name is So and So. Sometime ago, I’d like to believe that I wrote my first suicide note on this site. I thank the one person who commented, I guess it was all a cry for help in the end, however I thank you for the comment as it brought me to tears.
I’m still single, I still want to be with that special girl and the thought of being with her never leaves my mind but it has gotten “smaller”, the need for her, wherever she may be. I’ve decided not to be “friends” with the girl I confess to, not that I have recently, but only because I’ve got my own problems to deal with and I have no time to be anyones tool for using or just to carry the weight of your needs and the sadness you want off of you. I say this not out of hate, but because I’m a “nice guy” and nice guys show a women what she really wants and leave her when we know that we should focus on ourselves rather than carry ALL her burdens and become a doormat. I’d rather have a casual girl, strong in that she doesn’t force her problems on others, knows how to plan stuff out, funny, cute, tells me that she loves me and kisses me when I make her happy.
I’m going to the military sometime soon, I won’t say when. I’m scared, but I can’t be afraid to fail, I can’t always win and I won’t be afraid of making more tough decesions in life. I realize that I’m gonna start my “life” at that point. It won’t be easy because the world IS rotten and it IS evil, though it has it’s beauties, those will only distract from the punches life will throw at me next, and I won’t EVER give up.

I’m going to pursue my childhood dream, to be a superhero. Yes I know that I won’t get radioactive legs or xray vision or the ability to fly into the sun. The branch I’m going into has a job at which the failure rate is so high, only about a year wait is required. The task is so difficult that everyday, I could die, putting my life on the line, so that others may live. I may not make it to this rate, but I’m not going to stop, I want to be unique compared to everyone else, to be a superhero in the eyes of my family, a child, a stranger, and the weak and hopeless.

I still get the idea to steal stuff sometimes haha, although now I try to think of it as an abuse of power. Knowing what I know, I could get away with stealing and selling expensive stuff, I could make easy money. However, that hurts others, and it makes me guilty in the end. So the next time I see any item I wanna take, I’ll work for it, I’ll work hard for it, I won’t be pond scum and take the easy way out. It is an abuse of power, and “with great power comes great responsibilty”- cheesy I know haha.

I still workout as much I can and study everyday even for just a bit. I’ve said goodbye to people I love and I will miss them, I’ve sold my car, quit my job, quit college all for this period in my life.
I want to be a winner, a hero, a lover, a father. I may not ever be these things but I can’t be afraid to try, I can’t be afraid no matter how bad it gets. I have to move forward with my life no matter what is thrown at me.

Thank you.