Dear God, if there is a God on this s*** of an earth or in the heavens above it. I am not worthy of your forgiveness. I have tried probably more than 100 times to change my ways. If you should take my life too soon for my sins, so be it. I do not wish to take my own life. I do not wish to continue my sinful ways. My s***** existence was did not befall me because of my character, my soul, or some of the hard work that I have put in. I hate what I have done. If I were to kneel before you this day I would say I am sorry, but I would not beg your forgiveness because I do not deserve it. I’m f****** done being who I was. This is the last time. If I screw up again, I don’t want to see another day. I would rather die.