i don’t even know if anyone is going to read this, but i just have to get it off my chest. for the first time in months, i’m finally happy. my ex-boyfriend of almost a year cheated on me. he was my first love, and my first time having s** with someone. i gave him all of me. and when i found out he was cheating, i was devastated. but, after the 3 weeks of daily crying, i understood that it was meant to happen. he never treated me good. i was just blinded by how in love i was. i was depressed for at least a month. all i wanted to do was drink, and smoke, and be crazy. i wanted to do anything to numb the pain. even before the break up i had been getting high off of DXM, and after it just got worse. until i took too much one day at school, had a very scary time, and decided to leave that in the past. after the break up, one night when i was upset, i decided to try some of the ativan my mom had. i took a few pills, definitely enough to get me high. i ended up passing out within minutes and not even remembering anything. i had to go to classes the next day, and still cannot remember any of it. i had friends tell me there was something wrong with me. i thought i was going to die. it was an awakening moment for me. if i kept doing what i was doing to myself i was going to die. i gave up pills for good, they are just too dangerous. i have finally moved on, and found my inner bliss. i no longer use drugs or alcohol to numb myself, i just use them to have a freaking good time with my girls! but, just a couple weeks ago i was sitting in my room, and i got very sad for no reason. i felt like somebody had taken over my body and was controlling me. i started getting all of these suicidal thoughts into my head, and couldn’t stop them. i NEVER wanted to kill myself, but i felt paralyzed by these thoughts. i had to leave my room, and go on a walk to calm down, before i had a panic attack. i took some sleeping pills so i could fall asleep before the thoughts came back. the next day i just needed to see people so i went to the beach and just being around people made me feel a lot better. i haven’t had those thoughts, and couldn’t even think about it if i wanted to. i am so happy now, and nothing could get in the way of that. if’ you’ve read this far, i want to thank you for taking the time. it’s not easy to share all of this. there is so much more to my story, but this is just a couple months out of it. you are all blessed people. i now believe, going through all of the s*** that i have in just a short year, that us as humans can get through anything. God Bless. comment if you have any questions or want me to share more.