I enjoy m*********** to online p*** much more than having s** with my wife. When she asks for intimacy I secretly hate it & find any excuse to not be intimate with my wife.

I now secretly hope she is so frustrated with having to ask me & not getting it that she cheats on me so I can leave her & my kids & hook up with an old friend whom I’m still in love with…

I’m pretty sure all my relatives who have passed are looking down on me in complete shame. I know that I’m a failure…I just thought that at 42 I would have gotten myself together by this time. I have a good career, doing something I really enjoy, my kids are gorgeous, healthy boys..yet I can’t help this sickness I have…

I often sit in my local church & talk to God…I cry, I get out my anger & frustration at myself & I go home to be “normal” for my family..but I’m not sure even God is listening anymore. Why would he? I’ve been given so many chances & I never take full advantage of these chances…

I love my kids very much & hate the thought that one day they might be ashamed of what a loser their father is/was…