I fight the urge to kill myself everyday. No one around me knows it or notices it. I’m still alive, I guess I’m doing a good job. I really don’t want to be pitied and I don’t want other people to feel obliged to be careful around me.
But one time I let something slip and told a good friend “I wish I was diagnosed X disease which has depression as a symptom So I’d know I have to cure the disease and that it would cure depression too.”
To which she answered : “Pff, you don’t suffer from depression !”
I didn’t answer and glanced away with a smile, and once again no one noticed. I’m glad I’m doing such a good job at hiding it. But it hurts so much.