Dear whoever,
My name is __________________ and I’m contemplating death. I have a loving boyfriend who might be thinking of leaving me. The thought alone is breaking my heart again. I say again because my heart was broken two times before. The first time was my parents when they decided to have nothing to do with me unless I dug into their personal space. The second time was when the first love of my life left me hanging for five and a half years and got married to someone ells before I found out by looking at his MySpace. The second time my heart broke I tried to kill myself for the first time. It hurt so much. I was tired and my tummy could not hold anything in for months. I told my parents I had the flu. Sadly when I got better my mom was happy because I lost weight. I am weak and know I can’t survive alone. Truth is I don’t want to even try anymore. I don’t think anyone would miss me or even remember me if I died tomorrow. I don’t believe they’d fill any sort of loss what so ever. My chest hurts and my eyes sting but I fill numb. It’s an all to familiar filling. I wish it would end. All I can do for now is wait but I fear if I wait there ones I love that are left will leave me behind. I can’t handle being alone again and I can’t handle having my heart broken again. I’m tired and ready to give up if and when I have none to live for.
I wrote this for myself when depressed and numb but I post this for those like me. This is for those who know how I fill. I still fill alone but I know I’m not and you are not alone either. It is hard but we will make it through somehow and for a while we will be happy again if only for a moment.