In 10th grade I had a set friend group and our main hangout was at my best friends house. All of us literally had no care in the world for any drama or issues other than our seating arrangements we had based on the groups “leader” at the time, haha. Long story short, I fell in love with my best friends cousin, she was so beautiful and intelligent and made me feel something I never really felt in my life. I ruined my friendship with the group at the beginning of my senior year of high school because of the love I felt and desired from her, it complicated all of our lives. I spent my entire senior year alone and the summer after graduation I became friends with them again. Now it’s nearly nine months later, but I’m in the same situation. The last few months have been complicated, and just a month ago they stopped talking to me again. It’s been a month and I feel more alone and depressed than ever. I lost a lot of acquaintances from high school and I have no one to talk to now. Nothing too serious had happened, but it caused drama within her family. All of the drama was my fault, and I’ve accepted that, but she’s an unobtainable gem, she’s perfect, and I still want her lover or not, she became one of my closest friends. I don’t know what to do, it’s been three weeks since we’ve talked and I’m just lonelier than ever and I keep shutting people out who want in to my life just because I can’t get over her even though she was never mine.