My husband had an affair

I’m trying to heal from this horrible discovery. 20 year marriage – wow, that makes me feel old! Anyway, I never ever thought, EVER, that he would cheat on me. My trust was totally and completely bottomless, and I feel like such a fool for being so unaware that it was going on. It lasted approx 9 weeks, and I discovered it thru a text message she’d sent to him. He made the mistake of not keeping his phone glued to his side as he’d become in the habit of doing (now I know why! ). I truly think she was trying to get him caught in the hopes we’d break up.

We’ve been seeing a marriage counselor. I always thought it sounded weird when I read people’s accounts of how their marriages actually improved after discovery of an affair. But, I have to admit that ours has. But, the trust will take a long time to recover.

I haven’t told any of my friends or family. I know this is stupid, but I think it’s because I’m embarressed. I realize it’s not my fault, no matter what, that he committed adultery. It was his horrible choice and action. But for some reason, maybe I don’t want them to still be hating him long after I’ve forgiven him and we’ve tried to get past it. Or, I’m afraid they’ll pity me, or somehow think it’s my fault. Silly of me, I know, anyway, I just haven’t told anyone. I feel really alone. Having the therapist helps, but it’s expensive! !