I have a disgusting and confusing urge to slaughter my group of friends, and it’s slowly rising. I’m afraid that we’ll be gathered around a campfire one night and I’ll lose my composer and kill every one of them… It’s a disgusting urge, because I care so deeply about my friends, and it’s confusing because I’d do anything (even give my life if I had to) to protect them from anyone else… They know I’d do anything to keep them safe from anyone but they assume that means myself, included, even though I’ve never outright said it… They think they’re safe around me because I’m their friend, but they don’t realize the growing danger… I can’t tell them any of this because I hope it’s just a phase that’ll pass… And if I were to tell them and it turns out it WILL pass, they could never want to see me again and then I’d be alone… But if it isn’t a phase, I want them to know so they can protect themselves from me…