So I’m in love with this guy in my building. We are both exchange students in Berlin and when we first met I hated him because he got too drunk and threw up on my bathroom floor, but then we kept seeing each other because of mutual friends and eventually he became my friend.
Then one day he asked me to go to a bluegrass concert with him and I accepted without a second thought, and then after I started panicking- was this a date?
It turned out he just asked me as a friend as I found out later that he invited a big group and no one but us two actually was interested in Bluegrass.
But it started our friendship- and it made me realize that I found him attractive, as the months go on we have more and more in common and I am more and more confused about our relationship. He has never made a move of course and neither have I (because I have never had a romantic relationship of any kind I would have no idea what to do) but its come to the point where my day is off if I havent talked with him. He laughs at almost everything I say and we bicker and argue all for the fun of it and with him I feel so comfortable.
But in August he is going back to Greece and me to the US, I am afraid to ruin our friendship and ask for more but I’m even more afraid of never saying anything at all.
Its hard to deal with this double thought in my head, I dont want to lose him as a friend. I love him and without him in my life I dont know what I would do.
But I need to know if he ever liked me back, I have a crippling fear that if he told me the truth that it wouldnt be what I wanted to hear.
He has seen me at my literal best and worst. He has stood behind me and doted on me when I threw up my pain medication into his toilet after we just ate a meal, he was there at my birthday sleeping at the end of my bed because I was scared when the cops came, he has seen me work the hardest I can to achieve this 5k on Sunday, and we went to London together with friends and had so much fun.
But I think if I say something it would be all too easy for him to cut contact with me, I would go back to the US, him to Greece and he can just take me off his facebook friends and we would never see each other again. And how could I live with myself if I ruined that? I dont know what to do anymore.