I don't have any hope. The only thing I want more than to die is somthing that's unrealistic to expect. I was supposed to be dead already. I don't want

7 months

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I don’t have any hope. The only thing I want more than to die is somthing that’s unrealistic to expect. I was supposed to be dead already. I don’t want people getting attached when my only goal is to be gone, and I can’t take anymore of the trauma that comes from getting attached to people myself. People say that nobody comes to save you, but that’s only true when nobody actually cares about you. People that are deemed worthy by others get saved all the time. I know I’ll never be one of those people. I know I’m not worthy or deserving enough for anything good to happen in my life, or for anyone good to stay in my life. I have no reason to try anymore.

New Confession

Ive been talking with two different ladies that wanted to come to my place and stay a couple days and bring there daughters with them. One was 10 and one was 11. Well I hinted to both of them that I wanted to be with the daughters too. Well the one with the daughter was 11 came first. I had her mother tied to my bed naked. I called for daughter to come in the room and she asked me what I was doing. I looked at her and you’ll see. I think she knew what I was up too. Her daughter came in and saw her mother t****** and wasn’t going anywhere. I told her your mother and I think that you need to have some s** education. I told her to take of her clothes and put them nicely on the bed. I told her that I need help with her mother and a couple other things we need to do. She took everything off accept for her underwear. I told her you p****** need to come off too. She had very cute n****** and a little bit of hair around her c***. I had her sit facing me and I opened up her legs and I started rubbing her c*** and started putting one finger inside her. I told her that I needed to finger her for a bit first to open her up. I had her lay back and I popped her cherry by doing that. Then me and her went into the bathroom and cleaned her up and we came back in and I had her sit where she was and I started f******** her again. I had two fingers inside her and then I put my c*** inside her and slowly started to penetrate her. I did it slowly at first and then I was all the way inside her. I couldn’t help but c** inside her because she was so tight. I kept pumping her and I started to see she was liking it. I came inside her 4 times within 6 mins. We went back in the bathroom and clean her up again. Then I had her get between her mother’s legs and start licking her c*** and I put myself back inside her. I was all the way inher and came again. Her mother was liking her daughter licking her. I showed her how to finger her mother and s*** on her c***. She was getting her mother off. It was so hot to watch that right in front of me. It was a big turn on for me to be right there watching and having s** with her.

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I’ve been an e***** for four years. I can’t look at a man without feeling such visceral disgust. I really hate this but the money is so good. I have my own house and car and I’ve put myself through school with no loans and am in pharmacy school now, still no loans. I’m just so tired.