my ex had a huge fear of stallions and it led him to being a huge f****** a****** to me during my fixation on horse race tests. yk the little colorful bouncing mspaint horses on twitter? he was a d*** about that. which makes the fact i like bojack horseman now even f****** funnier honestly. he wouldve been such a d*** abt that too. he also used to accuse me of cheating all the time acting like me talking to my friends was some crime but it was okay for him to openly pine for like 5 different people. sure man okay whatever. the dude ruined my idea of what first love should be like and now i feel disgusting when i have s***** fantasies or thoughts cuz he tainted how i feel about the kinks i used to have. i think i still have them but im so ashamed now because with him i was so s***** i feel gross and like i embarrassed myself infront of my friends by being with him and acting the way i did when i was with him. i dont think i like myself anymore. im trying to reclaim my happiness and recognize this as just a normal thing that happens to everyone but this s*** hurts just cuz it happens to everyone doesnt make it f****** easy. having a s***** abusive a** ex like him who starts cutting himself and having a mental breakdown at the idea of you being upset at him for being a hypocrite breaks you a bit. and i think i only got iwth him because he reminded me of the tactics my mom used on me as a kid. i was repeating a cycle. no wonder the first thing he said on his f****** twitter after we broke up was “your mother was right”. referring to my mom telling me i dont feel love. f*** you charlie laws you picked a stupid a** name and maybe i have a lesbian haircut but you have a rotten soul that likes little kids and thats worse.
