I just left my room to practice. I barely got through a half hour. THERE ARE JUST SO MANY MEANINGLESS NOTES! And here I am in music school, I don’t want to disappoint my parents or teachers, but shouldn’t I be the one assessing what is best for me? I could never drop music, but I have a feeling it could be a lot more enjoyable (and I would be a lot more contributive) if people surrounding me actually encouraged me to find my own voice and discover new things instead of pushing me into the “system” that’s worked for so many others.

I also wish I had the courage to take a pregnancy test, since it’s taken up half of my thoughts in the past few weeks. I know it’s extremely unlikely I’m pregnant so why don’t I just take the test to take myself out of my misery?

My surroundings have raised me to instinctively be paranoid about the unknown. I know it’s scary, but in every unknown thing there’s possibility for good.