I told my husband I want to separate but I didn’t really want to. I fucked up.

My husband and I had an argument about something small that blew out of proportion. I tend to lean towards passive aggressiveness when angry then blow up and start saying hurtful words once triggered while my husband has a tendency to say hurtful words. We tried talking about it after we both calmed down but again, it led to another huge argument. I’ve been trying to read marriage advice but everything leans towards divorcing. I know it’s stupid of me to get swayed over it but I was still hurt by what happened. Earlier today, I told him I want to separate and while we were talking and when I really looked at him, I realised how stupid I am. I was looking at apartments to rent to move out but it feels empty thinking about living in it without him. I love my husband. We have stupid arguments and sometimes we fight ugly but most of the time we are really happy. He is very smart and caring and he has a good sense of humor. I’ve been crying almost every night since our fight and I just smell his pillow to help me sleep (I’ve been sleeping on the other room). I wanted to apologize for what happened but I want to apologize with sincerity by understanding and analyzing what happened and what led to it. I don’t want to give him a half assed apology. I don’t know where I’m going with this but I’m so stupid.