an old friend blocked me tonight and it’s tearing me up a lot inside. i’m doing better to contain myself now but its still a cold pressure on my core
i dont even know what it was even over. we dont talk often lately, true. but we both have busy lives and she’s never been great with regular communication.

i just need somewhere to write this out and forget so that it never comes up to either of us again.
we have our own lives and if this is the last i ever hear from her again its going to hurt a lot. but i’ll understand it happens sometimes. i just wish she’d talk to me about it.
all i can think of is that i got art of a character we share, and she didnt like it. but that doesnt make sense to me given how she never cared about that sort of thing before, and we’ve talked/done worse ourselves…
furthermore, i feel like she shouldve said something to me. maybe its too soon to say thats closed.
but i just feel kinda crushed because we’ve been friends for over a decade and she was kind of my first partner. even if it was brief.
i was at a s***** time in my life, and it was through art i met her and made more friends, getting something to push myself for.

im doing my best to not freak out and spam or panic. but i just dont know how youre supposed to take suddenly being blocked by someone this close.
hopefully it was something small or that can be rectified. hell maybe even its a glitch on twitters fault. id love for that to be the case
im scared to think she hates me or doesnt want to be friends anymore. i also dont want to stop using our character due to my feelings and how much ive invested in working on her
but i just dont understand why this is happening.

im going to stop typing soon and let this be the end of it for now. its late and i assume shes gone to sleep. i assume my messages on telegram havent been blocked but theyre either archived or muted so i wont pop up for her.. im gonna give it a day or two then maybe message our mutual friend about it and ask for advice.. i really hope this goes away and can be forgotten. i dont feel like ive done anything wrong but im scared and hurting for fear of losing my good friend
i hope she’ll talk to me soon and we can figure it out. if it was about the comm, hopefully we can come to an understanding about how we use the character in the future
if it was something else i did hopefully we can sort that out too. i just dont know

we dont speak regularly but still try to keep in touch. i just dont actually know if she resents me for something or if its not even me. i’ll keep that door open though. maybe if it goes bad, itll turn around one day. i still care. it still hurts.
but i wont force myself where im not wanted, if thats the case.