12 years
x
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i haven’t gotten my meds for my polycystic ovarian syndrome in 4 months and the symptoms are worse
i want to stop eating
3 of my friends like me and i don’t know how to let them down without breaking their hearts
my self esteem is in the bucket
i am struggling a lot with my s******** and how i identify
i’m afraid that my family would stop caring about me if i were to come out
i’m afraid that all of my friends find me unbearable
whenever i go to someone for help they say they’ll “fix” me as if i’m some broken toy and still they never check up on me or check to see if i’m doing alright because they assume if i haven’t spoken about it or cried in front of them in a long time that i’m magically all better
i have an unhealthy amount of stress because of how much i’ve procrastinated
my grades are terrible
i’m a burden to my family
everything my family says ends up making me upset and uncomfortable
i’m so unused to people touching me that my skin tingles where people have touched me
i’m very ugly and very selfish
i’m afraid that i may come off as pretentious
i sometimes want to stop existing, i don’t want to die and i don’t want to deal with my problems
i just want to disappear for a little bit

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I f****** hate you (bf) , you f****** manipulative,hypocrite, emotionally abusive, vaping, life draining, wannabe player b******. I.HATE YOU. I still deeply resent you. This is why everyone thinks you’re an a****** at your job. You’re not some anti-hero that you claimed to be. No- You’re just an a******. Point blank . Especially to me of all people! You always take it out on me, and you still wonder why I won’t touch you like that or shut down completely with you. Everytime you sense or feel even an inch that im happy, peaceful, something I enjoy doing you immediately smash that down so you can feel better and have power over me. What’s funny is that every time you’re in the wrong, overstep your boundaries, make me really upset or talk crap to me – karma smacks you right in the face everytime & you don’t even realize it. Funny how you’ve said yourself that people spit at the sky just for it to come back-yet you’ve done the exact same thing too – you’re not godlike or safe from getting karma, even I’ve dealt with karma too when I was in the wrong many times too. So no- you’re not a misunderstood dark knight turn bad like the joker you claim to be. You’re just an egotistical bigoted jerk & everyone can see that except you. I hate myself that I fell for your facade – lovebomb trap years ago . And all the times that you’ve talked crap about other’s appearances, especially women’s, karma yet again smacked you in the face & put on a ton of weight and still wonder why you haven’t lost pounds but still continue on demanding me to cook & make you even more food despite you complaining about it , hmmmm , gee I wonder why. Anyways , glad to vent that out .