I think about it every day. I just wish i could make it right. But im worried theres nothing i can do. I wish i knew to do things differently in time, and that i understood earlier what was happening. Im so sad that i no longer have such a good friend and that things are so tense and painful between us. There was so much i could have learned from you and i could tell you really cared, and i feel so understood and loved by you, i feel safe and like i can handle the world again, and i start actually believing in myself. Im afraid i am too defective and will only push you away to avoid you rejecting me. And i dont want you to feel weird when im around and i dont want to hurt you again. But i also dont want to give up on a relationship because things get hard. I never wanted to hurt you or destroy anything, but i know thats not enough to just want or feel or think, it has to show in your actions. And i was too careless with what i told people, and it wasnt even how i really felt deep down. What do i even have to offer? Do you even gain anything from the friendship?