I don’t know if I can accept my dad. I don’t know if I can say I have daddy issues because he’s not a bad person. He just has an unsolved case of anger issues and mental illness. He’ll stay up all night when I had the flu. He’ll fetch me a plaster and oitment if i hit my leg. He’ll get worried if I don’t eat my breakfast. But I can’t say I love him. I can’t call him “daddy” like i used to. I can’t give him a kiss on the cheek. It’s disgusting. It gives me goosebumps. The person he used to be still remains in my head. Or maybe he hasn’t changed. I still see him as a monster. Not a monster, but someone I am afraid of. I spill a glass of milk? i get screamed and shouted at. I can’t answer his question properly? I get screamed and shouted at. I cry loudly? I get shouted it. I felt restricted in experiencing emotions. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to cry. I felt like i had to be perfect. Maybe it’s because of me? Is he acting this way because I wasn’t the perfect daughter? So i try. I try hard to be good enough. I become the worst people pleaser. And it’s turning me numb. The tears i spend crying every night. The words comfort i’m longing to hear. I don’t get why my parents are so confused as to why I gained depression. Don’t love your kids with anger. Love your kids with love. You’re scaring them. Father, you’re scaring me.