A bit ago my partner of 5 years and I tried getting into a polyamorous relationship with a person that I already had my insecurities about, I would like

3 years

154 Views

A bit ago my partner of 5 years and I tried getting into a polyamorous relationship with a person that I already had my insecurities about, I would like to clarify that he’s never cheated or even given me a reason to believe that he has but there was already clear attraction there and I did it to try to make other people happy and made everything worse. Now that it’s over I feel like I’ve fucked up everything by even bringing it up and agreeing to it. I know the reason he wanted another companion is because I’m always working and we don’t see each other often. Even now he hasn’t cheated but it’s clear he still has attraction to this person and the breakup went horribly horribly wrong and bad and he feels bad. I’m trying to give it time but I feel like his feelings for her will never go away if he keeps hanging out with her… which is all of the time it feels like. Every friend gathering she’s there, every time he’s lonely she’s there when I can be, he always asks before having her over, I always say yes. They haven’t been alone together yet since the breakup but just the thought of him still wanting to be around her makes my heart ache in ways I never knew that it could. I hurt so deeply I’m a way I never knew I could and I feel like I’m losing my relationship. I know he would choose me over her every day and yet I still feel this deep hurt. What’s even worse is I’m starting to despise her. She’s always there making comments about how depressed she is and how sad she is, she’s allowed to be sad but it feels like manipulation after the breakup to throw it in our face like that and it makes him feel worse. I dont. I’m starting to hate her, this person that’s supposed to be my friend, and a good one at that. Everytime I hear her name it’s like nails on a chalkboard. Everytime someone invited her over I feel a deep jealousy that I’ve never felt. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. But most of all I hate myself for feeling this way. I hate myself for bringing up polyamory in the first place. But just because I feel bad doesn’t mean that I can just change the fact that I hate her. I hate that she guilts us to make plans with her in her subtle remarks of “I haven’t seen that movie” followed with a sad face as I talk about future plans with my partner and best friend. I hate her remarks of “don’t do that or I’ll cry” I hate her. I can’t help it.

New Confession

Porsche Cayman in Gütersloh

GERMANCARSPOTTER

Related Confessions

I’m a female, nineteen years old, nothing special about me tbh although I seem to be a lot interesting to guys twice my age. I’m not that attractive but I was almost raped by my cousin when I was eight. I’m an only child and that’s my misery, everyone thinks I’m spoiled while I’m broke. I was raised by my mother, being a burden and a debt to her but I was unaware that after I grow up, I’ll have to repay everything. My mother sold her body in order to earn money, about which I always knew because there were a lot of men and women who visited the house we lived in, I decided to stay silent about it and nobody knew where my father is, my mother said he’s a bad guy. I turned fifteen and my mother introduced me to a man in his thirties, who has a wife and a child already. I was against it, but she said that he won’t be having s*x with me, he’ll just touch and groom me until I get into adulthood but nightmare came soon. She fell into poverty and made me have s** with him, that night is hunting and painful, I can still feel the pain in my private part when I remember it, I bled a lot, my innocence was took away from me at sixteen. After that, my mother showed me to two more men, introduced me to them, made me sleep with them for money, saying that it’s all for my future. F*ck you mother.