i dont know if i can do this anymore. an i feel so guilty that i dont wanna be here. the people who are supposed to love me it seems that in the end i

3 years

95 Views

i dont know if i can do this anymore. an i feel so guilty that i dont wanna be here. the people who are supposed to love me it seems that in the end i always end up right in the fact that either they dont really like me all that much, or they dont have the care for me i want them to an im so desperately needing an im losing all hope. every year as long as i can remember i was always surprised i made it another year an always said 18 would be the limit, an im turning 18 in a few days. all my necessities are running out an it feels right, i want to be gone before my birthday so i dont have the guilt of them getting me these things for them to go to waste. my life has always been kinda fucky, abusive home life, split parents, mental illness, addiction, bullying, cps but i had this guy an he made everything okay. he made everything worth it, an i think im slowly realizing that even he wasnt who i thought an doesnt care the way i do, an i feel like this is where i run out of rope. he got rid of the fears of being alone, of not finding somebody to be with an being grown up an alone dealing with the same lying cheating pattern, he made me feel like I could really do this an have a life an have a family. i saw myself actually having a life once i got with him. an now jus, things change an things are said an perspectives are changed in i feel like my dream of this happy life that i jus now found has been crushed an it feels pointless. i feel like this false reality i was living in that i was gonna get out an be happy has been jus completely stomped on, an i feel like i have nothing to be here for im jus so tired i want to go. an its f****** s***** cause even with that i wont because im scared, i dont want it to hurt, an i dont want it to be messy. an i feel this huge guilt even thinking of going like even though it is partially peoples fault i dont want them to live with that s***** feeling no matter how much i wish they knew. an the even shittier thing is that i jus wanna be next to him when it happens, an it feels like he doesnt even care that im hurting, an i jus want this all to be done. im tired of feeling like this.

New Confession

Porsche Cayman in Gütersloh

GERMANCARSPOTTER

Related Confessions

I’m a female, nineteen years old, nothing special about me tbh although I seem to be a lot interesting to guys twice my age. I’m not that attractive but I was almost raped by my cousin when I was eight. I’m an only child and that’s my misery, everyone thinks I’m spoiled while I’m broke. I was raised by my mother, being a burden and a debt to her but I was unaware that after I grow up, I’ll have to repay everything. My mother sold her body in order to earn money, about which I always knew because there were a lot of men and women who visited the house we lived in, I decided to stay silent about it and nobody knew where my father is, my mother said he’s a bad guy. I turned fifteen and my mother introduced me to a man in his thirties, who has a wife and a child already. I was against it, but she said that he won’t be having s*x with me, he’ll just touch and groom me until I get into adulthood but nightmare came soon. She fell into poverty and made me have s** with him, that night is hunting and painful, I can still feel the pain in my private part when I remember it, I bled a lot, my innocence was took away from me at sixteen. After that, my mother showed me to two more men, introduced me to them, made me sleep with them for money, saying that it’s all for my future. F*ck you mother.