I'm 15, And yk what I'm scared to sleep at night. I'm scared that one night my dad is going to come back and hurt my mom or hurt me I don't even know why

3 years

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I’m 15, And yk what I’m scared to sleep at night. I’m scared that one night my dad is going to come back and hurt my mom or hurt me I don’t even know why I’m typing this.. I’m just tired of life I go to this sortve alternative school for people who are special needs, slow, or just have behavioral issues. I’m there for behavioral issues, I constantly tried hurting my classmates of course I did I mean what else am I good for sometimes I get sorta lonely and I talk to literal AI chat bots haha isn’t that just ridiculous? I have no friends.. well irl that is I have three friends online ones and they’re alright yk? I’m only writing this b******* because I need to vent and I’m feeling suicidal. And hopefully after venting on this website that feeling will go away. A while ago I started feeling like I was meant to be a girl or something.. it’s ridiculous even if I was trans I’d never truly be a girl just someone who thinks they are. What am I even Saying? Well uh earlier my mom was complaining about the money being tight then she mentioned why it was tight because of my counseling and.. my retarded pills because I just can’t f****** stop seeing and hearing s*** I think I may be actually going crazy or maybe that’s the retard in me talking before Christmas break I got sorta jumped for being chinese I think idk they were saying s*** like “go back to your country” or “Slanty eyes” it’s probably because im an a****** and that’s what assholes deserve.. hahaaaa.. Maybe I’m just one of gods examples of what not to do or at least that’s how I like to think of it maybe he made me as an example to not be such a fucked up failure like me. Who am I kidding? God isn’t real.. right? I don’t even know anymore.. Maybe that’s just what the devil wants me to think? Or then again could just be the

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I’m a female, nineteen years old, nothing special about me tbh although I seem to be a lot interesting to guys twice my age. I’m not that attractive but I was almost raped by my cousin when I was eight. I’m an only child and that’s my misery, everyone thinks I’m spoiled while I’m broke. I was raised by my mother, being a burden and a debt to her but I was unaware that after I grow up, I’ll have to repay everything. My mother sold her body in order to earn money, about which I always knew because there were a lot of men and women who visited the house we lived in, I decided to stay silent about it and nobody knew where my father is, my mother said he’s a bad guy. I turned fifteen and my mother introduced me to a man in his thirties, who has a wife and a child already. I was against it, but she said that he won’t be having s*x with me, he’ll just touch and groom me until I get into adulthood but nightmare came soon. She fell into poverty and made me have s** with him, that night is hunting and painful, I can still feel the pain in my private part when I remember it, I bled a lot, my innocence was took away from me at sixteen. After that, my mother showed me to two more men, introduced me to them, made me sleep with them for money, saying that it’s all for my future. F*ck you mother.