12 years
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I have a huge crush on my teacher. I can’t stop thinking about him no matter how hard I try. He is a mix of Toby and Ezra from Pretty Little Liars. Dark hair, amazing jaw line, piercing blue/grey eyes, fit, and 28 yrs old. He’s my English teacher and I’m only a freshman. One night I had a dream about him… and it was vivid and I saw way more then I needed too… I could not look at him the next day I keep my hand over my face blocking all eye contact. I looked up to take notes and he was right in front of me and I made eye contact with him and ran to the bathroom. I was super freaked out. I got over it and now the dreams happen more frequently but they don’t bother me that much. Is something wrong with me? We had a poetry assignment and my poem was obviously expressing my infatuation for him and I asked my friend what she thought it was about and she said it was really obvious. He told me the poem was really good and my writing was beautiful. I read in his class room about every other day during lunch and he commended me for my reading choice. Probably because half my grade didn’t know who F. Scott Fitzgerald was and I was reading Tender is the Night. We talk a lot in a laughing happy semi flirtatious way and he smiles at me a lot and he’s usually known as the teacher who is never in a good mood, but when I’m with him everything seems perfect. My mom works late so I stay after school everyday in the hallway doing hw and reading, listening to music. And I sit against the lockers across from his room and when he is at an angle where I am visible he stares at me a lot. We held I contact for the longest time once like I didn’t want it to end. He is always SO SO flirty with me and that’s not his normal personality he only really does it with me. He walked past me while I was listening to “R U Mine” and he complemented my music taste and then I played “Love is Blindness” and we talked about the singer Jack White for a while and now whenever I go to his room he plays that music. Once I was in his room making a page long books I want to read list and he wanted to look over it and recommend some things there were a couple books that he told me to replace with others on the list but he didn’t ask me to take out “L*****” which is very mature and controversial and deals with a student teacher relationship… Overall he said I had very good taste. One assignment that I did was no joke halfway incomplete like half the page wasn’t done and he have me a 90…This thing sounds ridiculous but it made me so happy, so like my sister is really pretty and people tell me that all the time and she’s 19 and like all my guy friends are obsessed with her and she came to visit the school one day and when she was about to take me home I went to my teachers room and turned in some extra credit stuff and my sister was with me and she introduced herself and he was like wow y’all look really similar… Best indirect compliment ever! Please tell me what I should do! I don’t feel attracted to anyone my age only him and I can’t help it I have tried so hard to stop but I can’t. I even have a song that I listen to when I think about him as more then a teacher… I play it like 20 times a day. It’s “More of You” by Mozella. I just can’t get him out of my mind and want to be something more then just his student. I have been so happy around him like I use to be sad and bored all the time and now I’m like a ball of happiness thanks to him. I feel like I really love him…

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I f****** hate you (bf) , you f****** manipulative,hypocrite, emotionally abusive, vaping, life draining, wannabe player b******. I.HATE YOU. I still deeply resent you. This is why everyone thinks you’re an a****** at your job. You’re not some anti-hero that you claimed to be. No- You’re just an a******. Point blank . Especially to me of all people! You always take it out on me, and you still wonder why I won’t touch you like that or shut down completely with you. Everytime you sense or feel even an inch that im happy, peaceful, something I enjoy doing you immediately smash that down so you can feel better and have power over me. What’s funny is that every time you’re in the wrong, overstep your boundaries, make me really upset or talk crap to me – karma smacks you right in the face everytime & you don’t even realize it. Funny how you’ve said yourself that people spit at the sky just for it to come back-yet you’ve done the exact same thing too – you’re not godlike or safe from getting karma, even I’ve dealt with karma too when I was in the wrong many times too. So no- you’re not a misunderstood dark knight turn bad like the joker you claim to be. You’re just an egotistical bigoted jerk & everyone can see that except you. I hate myself that I fell for your facade – lovebomb trap years ago . And all the times that you’ve talked crap about other’s appearances, especially women’s, karma yet again smacked you in the face & put on a ton of weight and still wonder why you haven’t lost pounds but still continue on demanding me to cook & make you even more food despite you complaining about it , hmmmm , gee I wonder why. Anyways , glad to vent that out .