sometimes I get so crazy when I get off my meds and i know I’m being abusive and mean and I like it. I like hurting people. I like hurting people physically too. the only reason I don’t just randomly beat people’s asses is that I would go to jail. I’m always angry. i always want everyone to hurt. i used to keep a journal with drawings of how I would torture people. i hate everyone. i hate seeing people happy. i feed off of pain. i don’t plan on ever hurting anyone outside the bounds of the law, but god I want to. i worry I might be like Ted Bundy or Jeffery Dahmer sometimes but the things they did disgust me but I could see myself getting so angry I do it? i don’t know. i am bad. i know I’m bad. but I wish I was different and normal and I wish I could be happy like everyone else but I’m not and I cant so instead I sit and have horrible thoughts I will never act on and I just sit here waiting to go to hell.