i just need to vent but my step dad has taken every possible way of talking to someone away from me so im gonna vent here, this random confession website

4 years

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i just need to vent but my step dad has taken every possible way of talking to someone away from me so im gonna vent here, this random confession website om the internet where no one will give 2 shits
im not doing good mentally. the only reason why im not covered head to toe in bright red bloody slices is bc i made a pact with my best friend to never sh again. ive regretted making that promise the second i agreed to it.
all day every day (except for on weekends) i have to watch my 4 younger siblings all by myself (keep in mind i am a minor under 16 yrs of age) and they drive me absolutley nuts.
i dont go to school (im homeschooled) so i have 0 social interaction with anyone who are not my crazy sibs
i tried to just go with it, i ended up gaining voices in my head, ended up gaining excessive stimming, ended up talking to myself
so i resort to online interaction
discord is my safe space, i have a few friends from different parts of the world that actually genuinely care abt me. the friend that i made a pact with is one of these ppl. these ppl are one of the main reasons im still alive. they make me happy. my step dad does not.
last night i was on a vc(voice call) with my favourite online friend. i was a bit too loud and my step dad caught me. he doesnt ever let me online, let alone call with someone across the country from me who ive never met. so he confiscated the device, which is fine ig, its understandable yk?
but hes taken away the one thing thats made me happy
yeah maybe i abused it but its gone now.
not just like, grounded, its gone-gone.
he says “oh u kids nowadays are so addicted to the internet”
well yeah no s***. i get what u cant provide for me from the internet. i can talk about my feelings on the internet without getting a lecture abt why what im feeling is wrong and told to write an essay abt all my faults. ppl on the internet love me and accept me for who i am. why cant you do the same?
why cant you just sit and listen for once?
is that too much to ask for?
all day im stuck being a teenage mother for kids who arnt even mine, i get no social interaction, all my hobbies are a ‘waste of money’ and ur continuously drilling me abt how im not thinking correctly.
the reason why im not in public school anymore is bc he doesnt like the way the school system “brainwashes you” and “tells you how to think”
seems an awful lot like what ur doing huh?

literally last week i was the happiest ive been in a long while
i had good friends (i love u sm deegan), i had found content creators who made me forget abt life (the groupchat podcast/ issacwhy/ bigtstreamingservice, etc), i wasnt having suicidal thoughts, it was good, i was happy.
but that was last week
now thats gone
u cant have an up in life without having a down too

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