I’ve never attempted suicide, but I think about it more often than I like.
Yesterday I lied to Jeff my husband about a car accident and backed up the traffic. Actually, I seen Steve our favorite pizza delivery guy. We stopped at the park. We found a parking spot way in the back side of the lot. For a q u i c k i e. He put his sausage in my sausage bun. And gave it two squirts of his special sauce. Took little longer for the second squirt. Then I ran a finger through his special sauce for a taste. Then I smiled at him for an approval. I then kissed him goodbye and said this was great let’s do this again.
I wish people cared more about comforting me like I constantly go out of my way to comfort them. then somebody does something that makes me think “wow, maybe this is the first real person to also recognize me as a human being. maybe they actually care.” and Im never right . they just want more. I am drained of empathy and compassion at this point, two things I always thought I was good at
