Just because sometimes ne dislikes you, does not make them a member of the KKK.

Think about it. Surely you can look at yourself and understand how people, especially a reserved straight white man would see you as a vile, annoying and offensive idiot? That’s not normal. Right?

So anyway, about that dream, it was as if, it felt to me like we were there to help move something. Or drop something off. Help in some way. I drop off stuff to a place frequently, under the instruction of a guy who knew her literally forever up until I met her and he knew what was going on. I get instruction to drop things off to this day, Friday, to the business of her father’s best friend, who always was a regular fixture at that place. ALWAYS. He’d just drop by. I know him on a personal level, we are first name, and it seems he likes me, he does, he likes it when I’m show up there. He’s a reserved guy but I can tell he likes me. Often times, no invoice. It’s just things. Always in the back of my mind am thinking ‘Is he the middle man?” Am I putting my germs on something that will be here?

Far fetched, not likely, u less by chance she walked in and he said “oh… Here….” Like I have seen him do for people.

And I am pretty sure it was the entire core crew, that’s what it felt like but the only one I remember interacting with is the dude who had a stroke a few weeks back, who started in 98 or so. I like the guy, he’s like my brother, but he was and has always been in physically bad shape BUT he also is the latest inna string of people I know who have had strokes, and the link in my head, is they all smoked. Every, single, one of them. And that’s what I believe is the cause of it. That’s the link. Cancer, maybe, heart attack, possibly but I believe a stroke is more likely.

So heahm I need to work on quitting, BUT I got a little side tracked, my point is I only remember talking to him and I can’t remember exactly it was, that was a blackout can’t remember, but the vibe was he was giving me flack for mentioning her. Where is she? Even though I never asked. He used to give me flack for that. Asking about her again. You’re always asking about her? Exacerbated of course. It was exagerated. It bugged me when he said it, so I stopped just to see what he’d do, and hed still give me flack. It was a mix of that vibe, and a mix of “I don’t know, we were told to be here, talk to this guy about why if you don’t want to be here?” Which is also his thing “I’m just doing what 8
I’m told?!?” I’d be like we’ll do what your told, but ALSO DO MORE. USE YOUR BRAIN A BIT, IMPROVISE, GRAB THE WHEEEL. That and the feeling of cameras watching me. Ugly mostly yellow crocs with a flowery design at the door? I want to say? at the door.