I ordered sketchy drugs from another country in hopes they would quell my libido, but a friend caught me and stopped me. I didn't know they had some stuff

4 years

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I ordered sketchy drugs from another country in hopes they would quell my libido, but a friend caught me and stopped me. I didn’t know they had some stuff that could cause permanent damage. I also was a bit suicidal at the time so I didn’t check.

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Nobody cares about me and I wish no one had ever lied and said they did. It hurts so much some days that I can barely breathe. I don’t know how to break away from being dependent and learn how to show up for myself when everyone else has always failed to. I don’t know how anyone does anything. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make it in this world alone and I hate myself for it. I am a leech and a burden.