Most of us agree that feeling alone and being alone are two different things. Being alone is the feeling that you want. To help you think or to take a break from the rest of the world… But feeling alone forces you to consider. It makes you think about all those bad mistakes. Makes you think about that one time you said or did something stupid or selfish. Makes you feel guilty. Feeling alone is painful and no matter how many people you are around, that feeling will stick on you like f****** glue. I think truthfully no one wants to feel alone. Deep down the human desire to be around someone and to feel happy always makes you want more during that time of feeling alone. Now when those two things are put together, that’s when the real thoughts come in. You truly have no one to turn to but yourself. And sometimes your own mind can backfire on you. For example. My brain currently, since I am alone and feel alone, wants me to hurt myself again and again. I am thinking of all those bad things and feel I deserve to be punished. And I do deserve what I do to myself. What can I possibly do to help myself? that’s the hard part. I can’t do anything to help myself. I want to kill myself, but I can’t do it. I do not know why. So here I am. Writing this “random feeling” that likes to push itself onto me without warning. Just the other day I was sitting in an assembly feeling lonely when suddenly my brain decides to shine light onto that one amazing thought of killing myself. I’m starting to consider it but then again. I can’t do it.