MIAMI- There’s a new gang terrorizing the streets of Miami, but they aren’t the Cuban drug warriors of the 80s.

They call themselves the Backsnatch Boys and they’re a gang of dangerous homosexuals whose crimes range from having orgies in an unsuspecting motorist’s Prius, called a “Prius Pecker Party”, to forcing straight men to “breed their backsnatches” or be bred by their militant faction called The Cream Team.

The reputed leader of both gangs is Corvallus Bronson Winslow, who along with his underboss known only as the Hallisonian partake in both penetrative and receptive a*** i**********– raw or unprotected only.

Their mottos are Your Hole Is My Goal and No Loads Refused. While the police cannot prove their crimes conclusively yet they warn Miami residents to be cautious, especially minority and other marginalized communities.

We spoke to one member of the gang, known as Cream Gene or Mayonnaise Lips and during our discussion he twice asked if he could “lighten my load” or “help clean out the pipes”.

John Gulbunni, Editor

Miami Daily News